Veni Vidi Venti

Ian Shoales’s acerbic commentary cuts to the core of issues of the day and to the philosophical puzzles that have intrigued and annoyed us since we first fell out of the trees. His lyrics, light verse, comical vignettes, and short fiction delight and occasionally enrage. His mind works at sixty miles a second, and it is up to us to keep up. Veni Vidi Venti includes many short pieces: lyrics, riddles, minute-long Philosophy Talk commentaries about everything from AI to the human soul, and scripts for cartoons that luminous beings and Men in Black that must never be made. Highlights include:

“Spiff Bannister, International Correspondent: ‘Sideshow Cassandra’”: a novelette in the form of a radio play—a carnie grifter looking to improve the old “Girl to Gorilla” sideshow gimmick may just have encountered a form of legitimate time travel.

“Bed & Breakfast & Testosterone”: A brief trip to the manliest, and least comfortable, bed & breakfast of all time.

“Hammacher Schlemmer’s Glory in the West (Our Cover Item Can Be Found on Page 13)”: A prose poem about the very last jet plane trip one might ever take in the age of worldwide pandemics.

“Pain is Pleasure?” An Ian Shoales commentary from Philosophy Talk: in a world of relative plenty, why do people embrace suffering? It’s pleasurable!

“A Cowboy Needs a Horse”: a short story about Western heroes, regional theater, and when you just might need to shoot someone.

“The Real Ian Shoales”: From 1993, Ian Shoales (an anagram of “I, an asshole” by the way) looks back on all the sleazy biographies that probably should have been written about him.

“Kap’n Kitty’s Korner: A Skit”: the script of an episode of the federally mandated kids’ TV program for at-risk preteens. (It’s illegal for them to watch anything else!)

Praise

“We were clearly hugely influenced by Ian Shoales … Everything he was doing in 1985 is stuff that we’re trying to do now!”
—John Green, Nerdfighteria

“Ian Shoales is The Bilious American; the crasher at the gates of conventional wisdom; Oscar the Grouch escaped from his garbage can; a cockeyed optimist`s Waterloo.”
—Chicago Tribune

“Ian Shoales has wickedly funny things to say …”
—Publishers Weekly

“Their jokes have become the toast of young professionals in city after city.”
—New York Times (on Duck’s Breath Mystery Theatre)

“Motor-mouth master of the audio sneer.”
—Washington Post

“The most fun of its kind since Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”
—Booklist on Ian Shoales’ Perfect World

“Kessler’s acerbic Shoales … can always be counted on for a welcome dose of provocatively brain-tickling social satire.”
—San Francisco Chronicle

About the Author

Ian Shoales is a social commentator, performer, lyricist, writer, humorist, and imaginary human being organized and manifested by Merle Kessler. He was a founding member of the legendary comedy troupe Duck’s Breath Mystery Theatre, a columnist for Salon.com, a frequent contributor to NPR’s All Things Considered and even an occasional talking head on Nightline with Ted Koppel. He is one of the few writers with two MFAs from the famous Iowa’s Writers Workshop to be published by Henry Rollins. Shoales and Kessler both live in California and share clothes close to one hundred percent of the time. He lives in Oakland, CA.

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