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NYPD to Racially Profile White Males

“Henceforth, we pledge to use our white supremacy for good,” declared Commissioner Kelly. “Also, we figure that if we start racially profiling white people, the NAACP and the NY Civil Liberties Union will finally stop dissing us.”
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Todd Akin Inspires Perp Power Movement

By now it is well know that Missouri Representative Todd Akin explained his opposition to abortion, even in cases of rape, by saying that women who experience “a legitimate rape” can avoid pregnancy by telling their bodies to “shut that whole thing down.” Less known, however, is the fact that Mr. Akin’s observation is encouraging malcontents to come out of the closet and claim their rights as “legitimate” predators.

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Tito Gerassi's Class-Conscious Classifieds

 In a recent PBS interview with Bill Moyers, journalist Chris Hedges discussed protest for social change. “Revolt,” he said, apropos of salvaging a collapsing world, “is all we have. It is our only hope.”

         I agree. So would my friend Tito Gerassi, who believed all his life in revolution. And, since rising unemployment is part of the collapse of our world, I think Tito would have enjoyed making occupying Wall Street, and other forms of social activism, into respectable occupations. Think of the job market potential…

 WANTED: Revolutionary Wackos

         Applicants must retain childhood ability to identify with the powerless . . .

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Brain Surgery Helps Radicals Vote Democrat

NEW YORK, N.Y. – In what promises to be a real boost for the U.S. presidential incumbent, a team of doctors has devised a “miraculous” new method of brain surgery that purportedly will enable thousands of radical leftists, progressives, and revolutionaries to vote – on purpose – for Barack Obama in the fall election.

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Second Coming Shocker! Karl Marx Returns to Earth Instead of Jesus!

NEW YORK, NY – Millennial Christians and godless communists alike were stunned when nineteenth-century economist and revolutionary Karl Marx suddenly returned from the dead about two hours ago to land, in bodily form, at the corner of Nassau and Wall Streets.
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Dead Iraqis New Occupiers of Wall Street

NEW YORK CITY -  With the war in Iraq now officially over and the Occupy Wall Street movement less visible, life in New York was expected to return to normal. Instead, several recent passersby in Manhattan’s financial district have reported seeing thousands of deceased Iraqi civilians taking up residence at Zuccotti Park.


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Although the Occupy Movement has galvanized about 87% of the marginalized 99%, no one stops to think that it’s the police who help to make this possible. If cops hadn’t arrested over hundreds of peaceful marchers, busted heads, and pepper-sprayed the unresisting eyeballs of various nonviolent protesters, thousands of ordinary people would have been deprived of that can-do, fight-the-power feeling so necessary for societal upheaval. Yet cops have been slow to take credit for their part in the fight against free-market injustice.

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The Mad Activist Considers the New Jim Crow

Dear Social Justice Diary –

         I just read Michelle Alexander’s book, The New Jim Crow and my mind is blown. It’s about racism and the War on Drugs, all highly factual. You can look at just two studies in the book and see a sort of “post-black” apartheid ...
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For Pennies a Day You Can Save Dominique Strauss-Kahn

Little Dominique Strauss-Kahn is only 62 years old, yet he suffers from a disabling moral affliction known as Assgrabbers Syndrome (AGS). You can save little Dominique – or you can turn this page.
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Dear Queer Diary –

            Should I get married?

I mean, now that the state of New York has passed the gay marriage bill, should my girlfriend and I get really and miraculously and legally married?

Or. Should I, as a queer, reclaim my right to legal ostracism, grab my lesbo luv-muffin, and take her underground with me to fight the state that gave us this soul-sucking, boilerplate “privilege” in the first place?

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