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Barbie's Gay Pride Shocker!


     "Get out! Get out of here and never come back!" shrieked an enraged Barbie, as she hurled a tiny bedroom slipper in my direction. The dainty missile careened off an itty-bitty bust of Ken, then shattered the frame that held a photo of Barbie's best friend, Midge. "Take your Gay Pride and shove it!"     


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POST-DOMA DO’S AND DON’TS FOR THE SINGLE QUEER


Since society tends to see the sexual commingling of legally sanctioned couples – either straight or gay - as a bland, nonthreatening amalgam, the fashionably phobic now choose a more refined target on which to project their innate fears and insecurity: the single queer. Sans spouse, sans mate, sans boo – sans everything.
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Orange Is Not New, and Prison Is Not Our Best Color


Go on, enjoy this skanky soap opera. Definitely enjoy Season One’s fade-out, as Piper beats a psychotic white-trash Jesus freak possibly to death during the Christmas pageant. Just please don’t think this teaches you about prison.
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BRADLEY MANNING BLOWS CHANCE TO HAVE GAY WEDDING


Today, I bring you a hard-hitting work of in-depth political analysis re: Private First Class Bradley Manning. It seems some malcontents on the Board of San Francisco’s Gay Pride Parade have suggested Private Manning for Grand Marshal.

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NO WAY IN MY MANGER: A Public Service Annunciation


You might remember me from such codependent masterpieces as the Pietà and nine billion paintings depicting the braless Madonna and blessed breast-fed children. Boys, all boys. Which reminds me: I want to talk about abortion rights.
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NYPD to Racially Profile White Males


“Henceforth, we pledge to use our white supremacy for good,” declared Commissioner Kelly. “Also, we figure that if we start racially profiling white people, the NAACP and the NY Civil Liberties Union will finally stop dissing us.”
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Todd Akin Inspires Perp Power Movement


By now it is well know that Missouri Representative Todd Akin explained his opposition to abortion, even in cases of rape, by saying that women who experience “a legitimate rape” can avoid pregnancy by telling their bodies to “shut that whole thing down.” Less known, however, is the fact that Mr. Akin’s observation is encouraging malcontents to come out of the closet and claim their rights as “legitimate” predators.



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Tito Gerassi's Class-Conscious Classifieds


 In a recent PBS interview with Bill Moyers, journalist Chris Hedges discussed protest for social change. “Revolt,” he said, apropos of salvaging a collapsing world, “is all we have. It is our only hope.”

         I agree. So would my friend Tito Gerassi, who believed all his life in revolution. And, since rising unemployment is part of the collapse of our world, I think Tito would have enjoyed making occupying Wall Street, and other forms of social activism, into respectable occupations. Think of the job market potential…

 WANTED: Revolutionary Wackos

         Applicants must retain childhood ability to identify with the powerless . . .


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Brain Surgery Helps Radicals Vote Democrat


NEW YORK, N.Y. – In what promises to be a real boost for the U.S. presidential incumbent, a team of doctors has devised a “miraculous” new method of brain surgery that purportedly will enable thousands of radical leftists, progressives, and revolutionaries to vote – on purpose – for Barack Obama in the fall election.


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Second Coming Shocker! Karl Marx Returns to Earth Instead of Jesus!


NEW YORK, NY – Millennial Christians and godless communists alike were stunned when nineteenth-century economist and revolutionary Karl Marx suddenly returned from the dead about two hours ago to land, in bodily form, at the corner of Nassau and Wall Streets.
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