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What the Bible Really Says about Gay Marriage

OK, people, I was trying to hold off on this, but CBS Radio just broadcast another news report about Congressmen supporting the claim that business owners should be allowed to refuse service to gay customers because of their “religious beliefs.”

So let’s get one thing straight: That defense is pure bullshit.

Oh, the First Amendment certainly protects their right to be bigoted assholes, but it drives me nuts when these hypocritical cowards get to hide behind the ostensibly unassailable claim of "religious beliefs" as justification for discriminating against gays, especially when they refer to the "Biblical definition" of marriage as “between one man and one woman.” The Bible does not define marriage. In fact, I always like to say that "The Bible defines marriage as between one man and one woman... and another woman... and her maid.... and the first woman's maid..." Since the Jacob has twelve children by four different women--his TWO wives AND their handmaids. (And King Solomon has over nine hundred wives and concubines.)

So imagine this scenario: If you or a friend are ever trying to order a cake or flowers for a gay wedding and some homophobic asshole refuses to serve you, just ask, "Do you serve adulterers?" Because even though the Bible does contain a commandment not to "lie with a man as with a woman," the punishment for this offense is being "cut off from their people," i.e., kicked out of the community. (Not so different from today, right?) But the Biblical punishment for adultery is death. Like immediate, summary execution by stoning to death. Clearly the Bible considers adultery to be way worse than gay sex. Suck on that, homophobes!

These business owners and their supporters should just admit that they’re bigoted assholes who are personally uncomfortable with the idea of gay marriage. But stop trying to tell us that God’s on your side.

Also, the Bible only condemns MALE homosexual sex. So, ladies, you're off the hook. Seriously.

In case you’re wondering where all this is coming from, I’ve been studying the Bible for my current novel-in-progress, so unlike most of our clueless, hypocritical politicians and their highly paid media spinmeisters, I’ve actually read the thing, and I’ve got plenty more to say on this topic, but that’s enough for now.


Kenneth Wishnia’s novels include 23 Shades of Black, an Edgar and Anthony Award finalist; Soft Money, a Library Journal Best Mystery of the Year; and Red House, a Washington Post Book World “Rave” Book of the Year. His short stories have appeared in Ellery Queen, Alfred Hitchcock, Queens Noir, Politics Noir, Send My Love and a Molotov Cocktail and elsewhere. He is the editor of the forthcoming Jewish Noir with PM Press.



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